Dancing with wisdom

A maths and science student who wanted to help people, hence medicine. Frustrated that medicine simply seemed to treat people as, machines, hence psychiatry. Psychiatry since 1999 focused on learning disabilities. The worst outcomes of any group. Desire to go beyond 'a disease model'. What makes people different from each other?

Lead to private practice combining mental health with coaching. Podcast.

Much of life focuses on the externals: the bright and shiny. In many ways we live in the best of times, yet unhappiness is greater than ever. Many people derail themselves by getting stuck in negative thoughts.

A 7 part framework to identify what you really want then tools and skills to get there. Regain a zest for life unknown since childhood. Requires deliberate focus.

Whatever the externals you made the decisions that got you here. Regret for the past or worry about the future goes wrong with you. If like GK Chesterton you answer "What is wrong with the world?" with "I am", this book is for you. [!!]

Psychiatry experience that different people respond to similar circumstances very differently. Personal experience of burnout from a decade running a non profit.

School is a lesson then a test. Life is often reversed: only by passing a test can you access the next opportunity. Some people get stuck repeating the same cycle.

Old testament expression: The skills that got you out of Egypt won’t get you into the promised land. The long quest to get Egypt out of the Israelites. But hopefully results in being clearer about weaknesses and flaws, more compassionate to self and others. More at ease with yourself.

Our world is obsessed with the fastest, richest of most beautiful. What if being the best is refocused on being the best version of myself?

Observes it is apparently widely held view that character (often seen only in private) and behaviour can be separated. Contrasts with seeking to become what God calls us to and that to drive a coherent unconflicted behaviour.

No shortage of information on an internet world, more about filtering what is important. Also the knowledge-doing gap: set alarm for 6am then snooze it. Or breaking a diet. And so on.

Contrast questions that only require knowledge, what medicine to take for a given illness, with the ones we wrestle with in life, example who to marry, where to live, what job to take. Western secular thinking does not help with the latter. Morality matters but it’s not enough when options are ambiguous.

Grasping this wisdom, means re-evaluating priorities.

An awe in the penetrating analysis of the Bible of inner motives of self and others. No necessity to share this Christian faith but an invitation to explore.

This book is not specific medical advice.

The author has found these helpful:

The Pew Research Centre predicts a growth in religion and decline of atheism. Neither for explained by the religious having more children nor that increasing wealth leads to increasing secularism.

Tendancy for us to make decisions emotionally and then justify.

Suggests rather than choosing to 'shoot the messenger' , especially with emotionally charged challenges, examine your heart motivations. That is how we grow, by leaving comfort zones and facing uncomfortable truths.

Fight, flight or freeze can cause is to refuse to engage challenging issues or people, or to attack and demean them.

One way to avoid mature engagement is 'chronological snobbery' : what is old is necessarily obsolete. One sees this in many changes on social issues over the last 50 years. Growing in wisdom is to value lasting fulfillment over the latest fads.

Work should fulfill 4 criteria:

A defining moment in the life of the author was the death of a good friend he had just travelled around the world to see at just 32. He reflects that such crises give an urgency to life that leaks away in the face of normal life. Two convictions the author holds on to to mitigate this drift.

Who will we become—​the destination of our journey—​depends on the path taken, the little but everyday choices. Author contrasts our habit to focus on significant events with the Bible focus on daily practices.

Quotes CS Lewis contrasting the slow effort of conforming soul to reality with both magic and science’s desire to conform reality to our desires instantly.

The power of little accumulations (good or bad) with culture of instant gratification.

Goes on to cite a depressed patient who did not respond to medication because an affair was placing her in an untenable situation daily: the daily pressure was more powerful than the drugs.

Citing Proverbs 4:7-8 ("…​Get wisdom…​) the author says wisdom comes to those hungriest for it. How hungry are you?

The unfulfillment of the things we unwisely pursue.

As in chapter 1, the author references events that cause is to re-evaluate. What are our priorities? Are they the right ones? Yet much distracts us from satisfying them.

In 1000AD a new technology took 100 years to be sufficiently widely distributed to have an impact. In 1900, 20-30 years. In 2020 perhaps 5-7. Examples from Google, Airbnb, Uber to reinforce.

This level of change leads to growing dissatisfaction. Yet, as humans, we continue to make crazy choices: spending more on ice cream than on basic education, healthcare and sanitation. — https://www.thelifeyoucansave.org/learn-more/why-donate#collapseFAQs

VUCA: Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous

Lots of examples.

But we struggle to differentiate between small decisions and significant ones. Without respite, the quality of our decisions deteriorates.

A fascinating study about parole boards. 65% chance of parole dropped to zero over a couple of hours until the board took a break at which point it returned to 65%.

Life has never been better Not we compare to polished presentations of others and try to keep up. Worse, what we believe will make us happy often does not it fades quickly. "The discontentment of restless hearts"

The metaphor from Brian Dyson, coca cola CEO, of life as 4 fragile balls named: health, faulty, friendship and activities to nurture the soul and one rubber one named work. The obvious conclusion that the first four require greater care.

This is a statement of faith

The shortcomings of identity by thinking of oneself as 'good'. We can only agree on extremes of good (Mother Theresa) and bad (Hitler). Mat 5:21-22,27-28 (Jesus' teaching about lust as adultery and hatred as murder) raises the bar again.

Dunbar’s number (~150): the maximum number of people one can maintain a stable relationship with.

Twentieth century American evangelist Dawson Trotman: ‘Never do anything that someone else can and will do, when there is so much of importance to be done which others cannot or will not do’.

Martin Luther King quote that if called to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michaelangelo painted, Beethoven composed or Shakespeare wrote poetry.

L.P.Jacks, philosopher and unitarian minister, says that 'vision of excellence' means there should be evident difference between work and leisure. Yet do not allow excellent work to become an idol.

I appreciate the repeated challenge to the 'pervasive belief' that this life is all there is.